Thursday, 26 March 2015

Dear Depression

Dear Depression, 

Are you kidding me?  Surely you're joking, right?  Just teasing, poking at the edges, trying to see how far you can push me before I break? 

What's that?  You don't know what I'm talking about? 

My dear Depression,

I'd like to say it was nice to see you again, but obviously I would be lying.  

I'm sure I told you already you how much I hate you.  You make me angry and sad and frustrated and all kinds of miserable.  I have tried so many different ways to say that I am not ok, but I used up all the words before, and I don't know what else to say to make you go away.

I don't think asking nicely is going to help any more, is it?  

Oh Depression,

I forgot to say, thanks. 

Thanks for filling my head with the sound of a herd of bees.  I'd say swarm, but swarms are elegant and beautiful and work together as one for the greater good.  The bees in my head are none of those things.  They are pissed off and want out.  They buzz loudest when I need to concentrate.  Have you ever had a head full of bees?  They're pretty distracting.

Thanks for waking me up at two o'clock every morning to remind me how completely and utterly useless you think I am.  I know we're going to disagree, but you really know how to kick a dog when it's down don't you?  Could you not at least wait until the sun's shining and I've had a decent eight hours?  That way I might actually be able to fight my own corner.

Thanks for making me so tired that I'm even more accident prone than normal.  Yesterday I got my hair caught in the wrong end of the hairdryer, and instead of untangling it I just cut it off.  There's a lovely smell of burnt hair in my room just now.  I have a beautiful bruise on my shin, you'd be really proud of it. (That's not related to the hairdryer incident).

Thanks for making me act like a complete idiot. Thanks for putting a massive road block somewhere between my mouth and my brain; for making me say things I know I don't believe or that would be best left unsaid. Thanks for sucking up all the energy I don't have and making me grumpy and irritable and just not very nice.

Thanks for nothing Depression.

Dear Depression,

I don't remember saying this was ok.  But then I don't seem to be able to remember much right now. (Thanks for that. Not).  If you think I'm going to let you walk all over me again, you can stop right there.  I'm sure there are better things you could be doing with your time. Like not being in my head for starters.

I don't like you Depression. I don't like you so much that I fully intend to fight you, just like I have done before and will probably do again. I will fight you even if you tie my hands behind my back, gag my mouth and fill my head with bees. I will fight you with every drop of energy I have. I will fight you Depression.

Because even though you're winning right now, I will not lose.

Go away now please.


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