Today is my 28th birthday, and I am writing this somewhere under the English channel. As birthdays go, I suppose waking up in Paris and then spending the day with some of my favourite people in London ranks up there as one of the best ways to spend an adult birthday.
However, it's also quite sad. I am on the penultimate leg of my 'mini grand tour of Europe', which means the next stop after London is back home and back to real life. I've been looking forward to this trip for so long, and now it's nearly over. Somewhat like my 20s.
I have just realised that I'm technically no longer in my mid 20s, and I'm closer to 30 than I am to 20. Not that age matters hugely, I've just spent a lot of time this week with friends I have known for a long time, and have naturally reflected on our teenage years.
Ten years ago today, I turned 18. I remember it vividly - going out for dinner and to the cinema the night before, and driving down the M56 for half an hour so I could be with my friends at midnight (we sat in Chester service station sharing a chocolate muffin between four of us, then I had to drive everyone home and didn't get in until after 2am. I vaguely remember falling asleep in my stats class the next day, which would have been less of a problem if I hadn't made up 50% of the class).
At 18, I think I was probably the most confident I have ever been. I had lots of friends, I could drink and drive (not together) and have a job and do all sorts of grown up things. I was clever and passed all my exams (they later let me take a whole extra A level, which meant learning the course two weeks before the exam), I was going to go to university and get a great job and do loads of travelling, and it was all going to be amazing.
Fast forward ten years, and I am happy. But life is so completely different than I ever imagined it would be. This week of travelling around Europe (albeit only three countries, not including the UK) has been amazing, but on more than one occasion I've found myself wishing I was there with my friends, living in a new city, learning and using a different language, and being part of a completely different culture. My lucky friends live on this huge land mass where a completely different country is just a few hours away on the train.
I think I might be a little bit jealous.
My friend sent me an article recently that says if you are ever asked for life advice, tell them to go travelling. I could have told you that for free.
But just because the advice is given doesn't necessarily mean I'll take it. I love travelling, but I've come to realise that one of the things I love most is the opportunity to escape from real life.
Unfortunately, when you leave anywhere to go travelling, real life has a habit of coming with you. My lucky friends do have so many opportunities to travel, but they also have to deal with bills and rent and insurance and all sorts of grown up nonsense that means travelling isn't actually as easy as it sounds.
So I guess I don't really have a choice. I have to go back to real life and face my quarter-life crisis head on.
Though that won't stop me from planning the next grand tour!
(Or 'why I never want to see another omelette again in my whole life')
You may have guessed, I'm not technically vegan, but I have been vegetarian since I was 9, which has been fine (apart from being force-fed nuts and seeds when, particularly as a teenager, all my friends were eating chicken nuggets and chips). That is, it was fine until about three years ago when I became lactose intolerant. All of a sudden, the main ingredients disappeared from my diet - no more macaroni cheese, no more milk in my (copious and very large) cups of tea, and no more ice cream, cream or custard. Basically all of the best foods had gone.
For a while, I survived on garlic bread and chips (although that was as much to do with the depression and general exhaustion as it was to do with the fact that 'I can't eat anything'). But over time, I have rediscovered my love for cooking, and now spend at least one afternoon each weekend creating new recipes and adapting existing ones.
One of my biggest bug bears is going out for dinner and being stuck with one of three options: pizza without the cheese (delicious but irritating given that I can buy lactose free cheese in the supermarkets, and therefore make my own pizza at least once a week); chips and salad (the excellent but lazy combination of unhealthy with a bit of wet lettuce); or my least favourite - pasta with red sauce (normally tomato. Sometimes I'm not sure).
Most of my favourite restaurants are on the list because they either offer a range of Rosy-proof food, or they are willing to adapt menu items. If the chef gets excited about the opportunity to try a new recipe just for me, they boost straight to the top of the list.
This is all fine when I'm at home - we don't go out for dinner very often. But during my 'mini grand tour of Europe', it wasn't that easy.
On my last day in the Netherlands, my friend and I decided to go out for lunch. The evening before, we trawled the internet for local menus, and had a shortlist of possibilities. When we got into town (I didn't fall of my bike - yay!) we headed to the first restaurant which, online, had veggie burgers on the menu. Their menu has changed the week before, so no veggie burgers, or anything that wasn't meat, fish or cheese.
The next few restaurants were similar - lots of options, nothing for Rosy. After about half an hour, we settled on a pub, and I ordered an omelette - delicious.
Fast-forward a few days, and I'd given up looking for anything that isn't egg based and fried. I've just counted and I reckon I ate no less than 17 eggs in six days.
Being in Paris was particularly hard. Every other shop I passed seemed to be a fromagerie, and I LOVE CHEESE! I may have spent half of my final day in Paris standing outside and staring through the window, drooling just a little bit. That was the hardest part of this trip.
My advice for fellow intolerant vegetarians (HA!) travelling in Europe is threefold:
1. Take multivitamins with you, and make sure they contain iron. Chances are you won't get a huge variation in the meals you eat, so you'll need something to make sure you get your recommended daily levels! Although if you eat as many eggs as I did, your iron levels will be the least of your worries...
2. Stay in self-catered accommodation. There are loads of options, particularly in major cities, for cheap accommodation - I love staying in youth hostels if I'm travelling alone, but if I'm with my boyfriend or friends, we try to rent an apartment (I use waytostay.com). Every city will have supermarkets, local markets and delis where you can buy fresh food which needs minimal preparation, and you can always take some dried pasta, rice or couscous with you as a back up.
3. Do your research before you travel. Find out what the local delicacies are, and if there are any veggie/vegan alternatives. If you can, find out where you can buy these, and include them in your plans for your trip. Find out if there are any vegetarian restaurants, or restaurants that might have a vegan option (Mexican restaurants almost always will). Most importantly, make sure you know how to say 'I am vegetarian/ lactose/ gluten/ etc intolerant and cannot eat dairy/ milk/ cream/ bread/ eggs/ etc' in the language of whichever country you are in. You could write it down and keep it in your wallet if that helps, and try to learn how to ask whether there are any alternatives (and give examples). In my experience, restaurant staff are much more willing (and able) to help if you're speaking the same language.
I guess most importantly, don't be scared to try something new, but if you have to eat omelette every day of your trip, that's way better than being hungry and not enjoying yourself!
Yes, this is a post about toilets. Please don't read on if you are squeamish.
For as long as I have been travelling independently, particularly with Girlguiding, I have had what some may see as a completely bizarre obsession with toilets.
My introduction to international guiding, at the age of 14, was a presentation from an older girl who had been to an international camp the previous summer. I can't remember where she had been, or who she was, but I do remember she told us a lot about the toilets. She even showed us a picture (I'm pretty confident it was a portaloo, so pretty safe as far as international camps go, as long as your tent isn't down wind, particularly towards the end of the week).
My first experience of an international camp was in Germany in 2003. I remember we had portaloos, and they were horrendous and weren't emptied until they started to overflow three days into the camp. Add in the communal wash tents (15 year old me was not expecting to be surrounded by hundreds of fully naked Germans), and it was a pretty traumatic experience.
Regardless, thus began my apparent obsession with toilets.
The reason I'm telling you this is because I realised during my 'mini grand tour of Europe' perhaps how unnecessary and weird this obsession has become.
In the Netherlands, we always seemed to end up talking about poo at the dinner table (I noticed my friend stopped putting tomatoes in my salad after I told her about a man who noticed tomato plants growing at the bottom of his garden thanks to the British train toilets which 'evacuate' straight onto the tracks), and whenever I go on a Dutch train I'm careful not to drink too much - there is something very off-putting about seeing the tracks moving at hundreds of miles an hour below you. I'm also petrified of accidentally dropping something important (it wouldn't be the first time I've dropped my passport in the loo).
In Brussels, I noticed that the toilet cubicle doors opened outwards, and on more than one occasion I found myself thinking this is a much better design than in the UK, where I more often than not have to balance either myself or my shopping on the toilet seat in order to squeeze the door shut behind me.
And that brings us to Paris. My friend lives in a beautiful but very small studio apartment with a communal toilet. To be fair to her, she did warn me about the toilet in advance, but it wasn't until I arrived (having drunk many cups of tea while waiting to meet her after work) that I remembered it is a squat toilet.
Now, in theory, I have no problem with a squat toilet. Once you've mastered the art of balancing and not peeing all over your trousers, you're all set (I was going to say it's a bit like riding a bike, but we all know how good I am at that...)
The problem comes when you're very tired. As I locked the door behind me, I had a horrible flashback to the first time I used a squat toilet. Without being too graphic (use your own imagination), I hadn't accounted for how slippy the floor might be, and ended up in a less than desirable position.
I don't think I drank for a week afterwards.
Needless to say, I was a lot more prepared this time around. I just made sure I used public toilets at every possible opportunity, just to be safe...
I promise I will try not to blog about toilets again.
I have come to the conclusion that the phrase 'as easy as riding a bike' is pretty much a pile of rubbish.
I mean, ok, the physical act of sitting and pedalling is not hard once you've worked out that you just need to stick your feet on the pedals and move your legs around in a circle. Staying upright is a bonus.
Being in the Netherlands, cycling is pretty much the only way to get from A to B, and there are literally no hills (something that, having grown up surrounded by mountains, completely freaks me out every time we go outside), so I don't really have any excuse not to. Therefore, on Saturday, I rode a bike for the first time in roughly 15 years (I'm not counting the time I cycled 3 miles from my parents house in North Wales to visit a friend, and then left my bike at their house for six months because the journey was so traumatic!).
I borrowed my friend's mother-in-law's bike, and after some faffing around trying (unsuccessfully) to lower the seat, we headed off on what should have been a relatively short journey into town.
Wait, that makes it sound like it just happened.
Now might be a good time to mention that, the night before, it snowed in Meppel for the first time in over two years.
So, we decided we would walk to the end of the street, where the snow had been cleared. Then, to avoid the confusing anticlockwise roundabout, we walked across the road. We were essentially half way into town before I even attempted to get on the bike.
In between my nervous/hysterical giggling, and my short legs not quite being long enough to reach the floor, it took a further ten minutes before we could actually set off.
I was just about settled into being on two wheels when we arrived at the supermarket. I had navigated my way around a small child and snow drifts, and managed to not crash into any cars (stationary or otherwise), so I was pretty happy.
The one thing I hadn't factored into my journey was stopping. I mean, I knew I would have to at some point. I just sort of forgot to think about how.
As I mentioned before, my legs aren't quite long enough for any more than the very tips of my toes to touch the floor when I am sitting on the saddle. Those of you who know me will know that I have a hard enough time staying upright when my feet are on the floor.
Needless to say, the disembarkation was less than elegant. As we came to stop, I forgot which of the many knobs and levers on my handlebars (which are, by the way, located somewhere near my ears) were the ones for stopping, and I panicked, steering the front wheel into the pavement. Fortunately, the snow provided a soft landing...
I'd like to say I'm getting better at this game, but I'm currently sitting on the sofa drugged up with ibuprofen and feeling sorry for myself, having lost control of the lower half of my body (ie, the bit attached to the bike) while crossing a road. Turns out I can do the splits (a challenge even without a bike tangled around my legs).
I think I can safely say that cycling is not a thing I will be taking up on my return to Edinburgh.
I'm writing this post on a train. Somewhere in the Netherlands.
Three weeks into 2015, and I'm off on what I like to describe as a "mini grand tour of Europe '. I started planning this trip on a whim back in the summer of 2014 after the wedding celebrations of one of my best school friends. She now lives in the Netherlands with her husband (it still feels weird saying that!) And I realised when, we were all sitting in her parents' back garden just how much I miss her. Over the next few months, we caught up on life via Facebook and Skype, and by October we had decided I should go and visit. At the same time, I had been chatting to my friend Helen, who I have known for 10 years (we went on a trip to Iceland with Girlguiding Cymru together). Helen lives in Paris, a city that I have wanted to go back to since my last visit seven years ago, so when the possibility of a trip to mainland Europe came up, I figured I could combine the two cities into one trip. But when? Conveniently, my birthday is at the end of January, and I do not like January. That, plus the need to use the rest of this year's annual leave, plus a large number of Nectar Points, east coast rail vouchers and hotels.com points, made it surprisingly easy to book an 8 day holiday. Add a day in Brussels and a weekend in London into the mix, and I'm all set. So here I am at the start of this mini adventure. I've survived the nightmare that is Edinburgh Airport's new security checks (basically a large cattle shed with automatic barriers that need to be staffed because they don't work, so those of us who used up the last of our printer ink printing our boarding cards at home had to queue for 20 minutes to get new boarding cards printed. I'm not at all angry. Nope.) I've downed 2 litres of liquid to avoid having to throw it away on my way into said cattle shed (and regretted it 2 hours later when the plane spent longer taxi-ing down the runway at Schipol airport than the whole rest of the flight). I've even managed to pack for a week in hand luggage (and we all know how much I dislike packing)!
All I have left to do now is work out where I'm supposed to get off this train...
Somehow, with minimal thought or effort, it is a year since I posted my last blog post.
I've just re-read it, and I can't believe it was a review of 2013. I honestly don't know where 2014 went, and now, all of a sudden it's 2015!
What?!
Not going to lie, 2014 wasn't the easiest year. But it sure as hell wasn't anywhere near as bad as the one before.
2014 was a year of huge achievements, with things that seemed impossible a year ago just sort of happening.
Finishing counselling in December 2013 was a huge step, and going back to 'real life' in January was big and overwhelming and scary, but also deceptively easy. I didn't fall to pieces the first time I had to make a decision or buy something bigger than one meal at a time. The world didn't implode, and the sky didn't fall in on my head. Huh. Turns out humaning isn't impossible after all!
One of the huge highlights of 2014 was my Guiding world. I rediscovered how much I really do love being a Brownie leader, and have thrown myself back into weekly meetings with a much more positive outlook. In May we had a fab Alice in Wonderland themed sleepover with my lovely friend's Brownies, and later in the year an exhausting (but fun) Frozen-themed pack holiday.
In 2014 we celebrated the Big Brownie Birthday - 100 years since the younger sisters of the (relatively new) Girl Guides asked for something for them. The Big Brownie Birthday gave me the opportunity to visit some of Girlguiding's training centres, bringing India to hundreds of Brownies from across the UK at two World Centres weekends. I'm now determined to go to India and visit the WAGGGS World Centre, Sangam, before too long!
Outside of Guiding, I have done a lot of travelling, around Scotland and the UK, and further afield - AND we went on an actual holiday for a week in North America, exploring Toronto, Niagara Falls, and returning to New York to do the bits of touristing we missed last year. I'm looking forward to even more travelling in 2015, starting with a 'grand tour' of Europe next week!
So. Now it's the middle of January 2015.
Although I've not blogged for a year, I haven't stopped writing, and I'm planning to share more of my short stories and flash fiction with you this year. I'm also going to keep blogging, although posts may be sporadic. Why? Because...
I've decided to do another degree, to try and improve on the 2:2 I got for my first undergraduate degree, so on 8th February I will begin a BA (hons) in International Studies through the Open University. It may take years to finish, but I'm determined to do better than I did before!
Like last year, I'm not going to set resolutions that I'm not going to keep. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and enjoy being me for a while.
I think it's fairly safe to say, with a reasonably degree of certainty, that 2013 was a ridiculous year, and not one that I would like to repeat in a hurry.
Since my last post, I've had a couple of weeks to reflect on the last year, and to think about the next one. Or current one, I guess. I'm not going to make resolutions as such, other than to look after myself better.
Yesterday, I spent the day shopping and cooking, two things that a year ago would terrify me. In the evening, I looked at YouTube to find a soundtrack to accompany my chilli and pastry making, and this got me thinking about the music that has got me through 2013. So, I'm going to share my top "songs to get me through" with you.
(All song title links lead to YouTube videos - please let me know if they don't work. And don't judge my terrible taste in music - blame my ipod!) 1. P!nk, Perfect (January 2013) *PG - this song has swears in it*
I started 2013 pretty much hating everything about me. I was fat, I had weird hair, my job made me miserable, I spent all of my Christmas holidays revising and still only just scraped a pass in my exams... I'd been given the P!nk Greatest Hits album for Christmas, so that was the CD that had taken residence in the CD player in my car. This song was pretty much stuck on repeat, in the attempt to convince myself that someone, somewhere, might believe I wasn't as horrendous as I thought I was. I would sit in the car at the end of the day and just listen to this on repeat whilst crying over my "terrible life". What a difference a year makes, hey?!
"...Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than f***ing perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're f***ing perfect to me..."
(P!nk, Perfect)
2. Emeli Sande, Read All About It (part iii) (February 2013)
This song was a huge inspiration when I was preparing for my trip to the United Nations in February. On the flight out to New York, I listened to this song on repeat as the enormity of what I was about to do started to sink in. This was one of the songs that really got me through on the days when I was so overwhelmed by the whole experience that all I wanted to do was curl up and cry. But I didn't, and that is partly thanks to this song.
"... You've got a heart as loud as lions
So why let your voice be tamed?
Maybe we're a little different
There's no need to be ashamed..."
This song was written for the "One Billion Rising" campaign to end violence against women and girls, through which events took place globally on 14th February 2013. As one of our actions at the UN, we did a flash mob to this song at the launch of the WAGGGS "Voices Against Violence" syllabus, and I still can't listen to it without trying to do the dance! The opening lines make me cry, as this song really expresses how I was feeling at the time in a way that I just couldn't.
"...I raise my arms to the sky On my
knees I pray I’m not afraid anymore I will walk through that
door..."
I don't particularly love this song, but it was a regular in my weekly aquafit class. On the day I realised I needed to leave my job, I spent the whole class trying not to cry. When this song started to play, my friend and I looked at each other and just started laughing. There is one line in particular that just fit with where I was at...
"...Stop being so hard on yourself
It's not good for your health
I know that you can change..."
(Take That, Shine)
I raise my arms to the sky
On my knees I pray
I’m not afraid anymore
I will walk through that door - See more at: http://2013.onebillionrising.org/blog/we-have-an-anthem#sthash.to5Q28fz.dpuf
I raise my arms to the sky
On my knees I pray
I’m not afraid anymore
I will walk through that door - See more at: http://2013.onebillionrising.org/blog/we-have-an-anthem#sthash.to5Q28fz.dpuf
The Simon and Garfunkel version of this song has been part of my whole life, and it's my "go to" feel good song. The Eva Cassidy version is the one I have on my ipod and was on constant repeat while I was writing my dissertation. This was the last piece of work I had to do to finish of my Masters degree, and since I wasn't working, I could really focus on it to achieve something I never thought I would do!
"...Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way..."
This song doesn't really relate to any particular event in June. I don't really remember why, but I listened to it a lot!
"... Oh, tear ducts can rust I'll fix it for us We're collecting
dust But our love's enough You're holding it in You're
pouring a drink No nothing is as bad as it seems..."
July. I had just started my new job, and this song became my "walking to work" song - it's ok to be "different", I don't need to be "perfect", and I was fully capable of doing this thing called life. There may have been a few blips since then (see August!), but this song reminds me that I don't need to hate my body quite so much, and am starting to be happy just being me.
"...'cause a face without freckles is like a sky without stars
Why waste a second not loving who you are..."
August was a horrible month. I took a massive leap in the wrong direction, my head was all over the place, and the "Big D" was back. One night, the night of pizza and wine, I bought Gabrielle Aplin's album on a whim, and this song just stuck - I couldn't love myself, so how could I expect anyone else to?
"...And fools rush in
And I've been the fool before
This time I'm gonna slow it down
'Cause I think this could be more..."
(Gabrielle Aplin, Please Don't Say You Love Me)
9. Gabrielle Aplin, Keep on Walking (September 2013)
This album has been on repeat in my car since I bought it in August. For me, this song resonates in a very metaphorical way. By September, I was really starting to get into the really difficult part of my counselling, and dealing with things that have been stored in boxes in the back of my head for many many years. After the huge downhill slide in August, this song really helped me to see that, actually, I needed to go through the difficult things, the metaphorical bruises would heal in time, and I started to accept that eventually I would feel better.
"...But all that glitters is not gold From the bruises flowers grow
I feel so much better now you’re not around
There’s no one to kick me while I’m down..."
(Gabrielle Aplin, Keep On Walking)
10. Miley Cyrus, Wrecking Ball (October 2013)
I have a massive love-hate relationship with this song, and I nearly didn't include it in my list because of the issues I have with the video. However, before the controversy kicked off, and before I'd seen the video, this song really fit with where I was in October. I spent a lot of this month trying to deal with the relationship between food and my relationships with people, and the decisions I made while I was at university (for the first time round) as a result of these relationships. I had been very much a one-woman wrecking ball, stuck in self-destruction mode, and this song helped me realise that I'm not that person any more.
"...I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me..."
(Miley Cyrus, Wrecking Ball)
11. Handel, Zadok the Priest (November 2013)
November was really busy and pretty stressful, with weekends filled with travelling and very little down time. When I'm stressed, I like to listen to classical music, and my ipod decided Handel was the way to go. I love the introduction and the build up to the choral entry, and conducting along makes the stress disappear!
12. Meatloaf, Paradise by the Dashboard Light (December 2013)
I didn't know this was on my ipod until December, when it played every time I listened to a random shuffle. I love Meatloaf, and I love Patti Russo in the female role - she knows exactly what she wants and she's not afraid to say no. It's such a powerful song, and just makes me smile!
"...Stop right there! I gotta know right now! Before we go any further! Do you love me?"
(Meatloaf, Paradise by the Dashboard Light)
So there you go. My 2013 soundtrack. Looking at it in writing, 2013 was definitely ridiculous (and incredibly cheesy!) Hopefully 2014 will be a lot less of both!
