Post CSW Culture Shock

Over the past few weeks, I've been busy reflecting on my trip to New York and the incredible work that we did at CSW. At the same time, being back in the UK and getting back to "normal" has been a total shock to the system - it's like culture shock, but the wrong way round. It took me at least three days to realise that I didn't have to wear my "Stop the Violence" t-shirt or re-pack my lobbying pack every night. It took me a week to get used to having to actually cook, rather than just popping to the deli/ corner shop/ market and buying a bucket-load of ready-made hot food (actually, I'm still not used to that... apparently chips and garlic bread is not a balanced diet).  I've only just taken off my UN Women lanyard and grounds pass. And I still haven't got used to the fact that not all conversations will be about violence in some form or another.

Some days, I struggle to believe that I did this:

Or this:

 Or this:

And I'm still not convinced that this actually happened:

But these photos show that I really did it.  We did it.  Despite all my self-doubt and fear of failure, I went out there and proved to myself that I could do whatever I wanted to do!

It took me a while to realise this. I got back to the UK on a very cold Monday morning and battled my way through the snow to get to my city centre flat.  Before I even reached my street, I could feel the shock setting in.  The buildings are too small; the sky is too blue; the street signs are all wrong; the traffic is on the wrong side of the road; I don't have the right money; the accents are funny; it's cold...  After eight hours at 35,000ft above sea level, my brain was really struggling to cope.

After a month of trying to deal with this, I've decided the best way to cope is to just not try. In New York, I started to see myself as a person with my own opinions and my own way of doing things. It might not fit in with what I think other people expect of me, but that doesn't mean that what I'm doing is wrong. It's just me.

So, new approach to life.  Let's see how this goes...  Wish me luck!

Millennium Development Goals - 1000 days to go

Friday 5th April 2013

In 2000, eight Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) were adopted by UN member states, forming an internationally agreed blueprint to ensure everyone has access to basic human rights.

The MDGs aim to improve eight key areas affecting women and men, girls and boys, all over the world.  You can find out more about how the UN is working to achieve these goals on the UN Women website and here:

 Today, there are 1000 days left until the end of 2015, and the target date for achievement of the MDGs.

I will talk more about the MDGs and what will happen post-2015 in future posts, but for now, here is my inspiration for the weekend:

Let's do something awesome.  Let's change the world.

CSW57 Update: Reflections and Agreed Conclusions

(Written Friday 15th March 2013)

As I sit here in the dark (we've just had a power cut) reflecting over the last few weeks and the previous four months of preparation, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of pride at what we have achieved.

Personally, I wasn't sure how I was going to cope with spending a whole 10 days talking about violence against women and girls. I was nervous and worried that I wouldn't know anything, that my confidence would leave me and I would spend the whole time panicking that no-one would listen to me. In reality, I don't think I have ever felt more confident and empowered to speak out, not just for myself but for the rights of millions of girls and young women all over the world.

As a delegation, I feel we showed that it doesn't matter who you are or where you come from – if you pull together and work as a team then anything can happen. I have made some amazing friends in countries I'd barely even heard of, and I know that they will all take their experiences of CSW back to those countries where they will grow to become more incredible than they already are.

This evening marks the final day of CSW57. I have spent the day glued to Twitter and my emails, nervously waiting the outcome of the conference. After hours and hours of hitting refresh, I finally heard that the CSW Agreed Conclusions have been adopted!

Being able to share that moment straight away with my new friends in so many different time zones around the world was the most amazing feeling. After weeks of hard work, we can all say that we played a part in changing the lives of girls and young women all over the world.

You're probably wondering what this actually means – I'm getting excited over some global politics that probably won't actually make a difference on the ground, right?

Wrong. Over 130 UN member states have agreed to adopt the conclusions, which means that they should adhere to what the final document says. For example, if the document says legislation should be in place to tackle x, y and z, then member states should develop that legislation. If it says education should be provided, each country should work to deliver that education. And we, as members of civil society, should be holding our country to account and making sure that governments and officials are doing what they have agreed to do at the highest level.

And even if our governments don't do what they've said they will do, that doesn't mean we should let that stop us from doing what we all know is right. We can still encourage people to stop seeing VAWG as a taboo issue and to start talking about it – as soon as we realise that it's ok to talk about violence we will have started to make a difference.

I hope that, if you have learnt nothing from my blogs, you will at least take this away with you. We all have the right to have our voice heard. If we do not speak up, we do not exercise that right and so we do not have the right to complain. If we can speak up for others who cannot speak up for themselves, then we should do so. This doesn't need to be on a global scale. I'm not saying everyone should descend on the UN every year – for a start, I don't think Manhattan needs any more people.

I'm just saying that, in my opinion, if everyone speaks to one person about violence against women and girls, then one day people will begin to realise that it does happen in our own countries; it does happen to us; and ultimately, it's ok to talk about it. If more people start to talk about it, more people will start to realise that violence against women and girls shouldn't be normal, and it isn't ok. Maybe this is the first step to fully eradicating it. I hope so anyway.

I am reminded of that story we heard at the Teen Orientation day, all those weeks ago (has it really only been 12 days?):

"A dove and a coal mouse are sitting on the branch of a tree, watching the snow fall. The dove asks, “How much does a snowflake weigh?” The coal mouse answers, “Nothing more than nothing.” The two birds watch the snowflakes fall for some time more, until the moment a particular one settles on their branch, breaking their perch. As the dove flies away, it thinks to itself, “Maybe all that’s needed in the world for peace is one more voice.”"

CSW57 Update: Statistics

CSW57 Roundup

(Or: how my brain just about nearly exploded)

Over the last six months, I've done a lot of reading and research into Violence Against Women and Girls in the UK and overseas.  Before I got involved in the Stop the Violence campaign, I knew that Violence Against Women and Girls existed, but I would never have known where to even start thinking about the scale of the issue.  This is where I'm hoping I can help you.

Throughout my blog updates, I've tried not to overload you with numbers, statistics and case studies - my whole experience at the UN was completely overwhelming even before we start looking at all the information we were bombarded with on a daily basis.

However, one huge thing I have learnt from this experience is that people don't, and often won't, talk about Violence Against Women and Girls.  This is something I want to change.  I know it's completely overwhelming when you start to think about it, but if we support each other, I know we can do this.

It's really easy to get stats-blindness, for a number to become just that - just a number.  But it's for that reason that I think the statistics are a great place to start.

(Hopefully you've kept reading this far and my numbers-chat hasn't completely turned you off.  If you're still here, thank you for reading.  Please read a little bit further.)

Over the last few weeks, there are some examples that have really stuck with me, which I would like to share with you. 

• Globally, 1 in 3 women and girls will experience some form of violence during their lifetime.
• More than 603 million women and girls live in countries where domestic violence is not a crime (that's nearly 1 in 5).
• In the USA every year, more than 80% 12 - 16 year old girls are sexually harassed or raped in or on their way to school, while in South Africa, 1 in 3 rapes of girls are perpetuated by a teacher.
• In the EU, 80% cases of violence against women will not be reported.
• The annual cost of dealing with violence against women in the EU is over 34 billion euros.
• Every day in the UK, 5 girls and young women are forced into marriage.
• In Nepal, more than 63% girls are married before they are 18 years old.  7% girls will be married before they are 10 years old.  If her husband dies, the girl belongs to her husband's family.  She is forced to wear white and is prohibited from attending festivals or family gatherings.  She will be given to her husband's brother, who can do whatever he wants with her.  
• More than 40% widows are married before they are 18 years old.  Most of these marriages are not registered because the girl is underage.  When she becomes a widow, she will not be eligible to receive any benefits or support because her marriage is not registered.
• 40-50% women in the EU experience some form of abuse in the workplace.
• Many refuges in the UK can't take women and girls associated with gangs because of the risk to the refuge - they do not have bullet-proof glass and women are often "planted" in refuges by gangs to try and find victims.

I'd say this is a problem. 

So what?  What can we do with this information?  There are lots of big, complicated things you could try - writing to your local MP; volunteering with a women's support group; going to the UN is pretty huge...  

Or there are smaller, simpler things; things we often forget can still make a difference.

What am I going to do?  I want to make it ok to talk about violence against women and girls, so I'm going to talk about it and I'm going to encourage other people to talk about it. 

So, if you've read this far, thank you.  Now here's your challenge.  Go and tell someone your thoughts about Violence Against Women and Girls.  Share the numbers.  Find some new numbers.  Blog about it, tweet about it, tell someone over a cup of coffee or lunch.    Let's start a conversation.

And check out WAGGGS' Stop the Violence Campaign. 

CSW57 Update: International Womens' Day

Friday 8th March 2013

(Or: How I unexpectedly appeared live on US TV.  And still haven't found my hairbrush)

Last night, we had a proper snow storm, and by the time we woke up there was a blizzard! There was so much snow, it was covering the pavements faster than it was being swept up!  Half of our delegation had never seen snow before, so it was really exciting to see their reactions!

Snow in the Big Apple

Sameem Ali

In the morning I headed to my last UK NGO briefing, which was followed by an event called “Lessons Learned”. This was the event I had been most excited about attending as one of the speakers was Sameem Ali, a survivor of Forced Marriage. Before I went to CSW, I had read Sameem's book, Belonging, and we had spoken over the phone, so I was really looking forward to hearing her speak about her experiences. She has really inspired me, and while I was listening to her speak I began to form an idea of what I want to do following CSW.

After the event, I went to the UN for the last time, this time to visit the shop.  The UN has its own post office and UN stamps, so of course I had to send some postcards!

In the afternoon, four of us had won tickets to a preview of 10x10's Girl Rising, a series of 9 documentaries about 9 girls in developing countries who have overcome horrendous situations to get an education. This was held in the Nasdaq building at Times Square, which meant we had to leave the UN-bubble for the first time all week - that was a bit of a culture shock!  

When we arrived at the Nasdaq building, we were taken up to the screening room where the Producer introduced the film.  Before the opening credits had even finished, I was in floods of tears.  We watched the first three documentaries, and I could've stayed all afternoon if a lady with a radio-mic came to rush us "to the bells".  

We were all slightly perplexed about what she meant - bells!?  We followed her downstairs and were taken into what looked like a TV studio.  Yep, that's right - what we hadn't been told before the event was that, to celebrate International Womens' Day, we would be broadcast live across the USA on the Closing Bell Ceremony.  

A frantic attempt to fix my hair (I still haven't found my hairbrush!), and to make myself look slightly less like I'd fallen out of a washing basket, didn't make much difference, but it was too late.  Just before 4pm, we were invited on stage where we had to stand and wave at the cameras for what felt like an eternity.  I was vaguely aware of the music getting louder and louder as the countdown to 4pm started, but all I could think of was how flappy my upper arms are, and that the whole of the US was about to see them, live on Fox, ABC and CNN news.  Great!

Ringing in the Nasdaq Closing Bell

After the bells had rung and we were recovering from our shock (WHAT just happened?!), we went out to Times Square.  Not only had we been broadcast live on national TV, we were almost projected live across Times Square!!  You can see the photos and videos on the Nasdaq website. 

The final few hours of the afternoon were spent together in a delegation evaluation session, where we looked at our group objectives (we'd achieved about two thirds of them), what we would change/ keep the same in future years, how the week had gone, and our personal achievements.

I found it really difficult to pick one specific personal highlight. When I left for CSW I was worried I wouldn't know enough, would get really nervous and would let the team down. However, once I started speaking to people, I realised that I do know things, and I can speak about the issues and I don't sound like a complete idiot. I felt so confident during CSW (more than I think I've ever felt in my life) that I could stand up in-front of a room of people and that it didn't matter who they were; it didn't matter if they were listening or not – I had the confidence to say what was important to me and why, and to stand up for all of the girls and women who don't have that opportunity.

Dinner in a real American diner!

The end of the evaluation really marked the end of our time together as a delegation.  In the evening, we were taken on a minibus tour of New York, and then went for dinner in a proper American diner. We got back to the hotel really late at night (the minibus broke down halfway across the Brooklyn Bridge...) and had to start saying goodbye as people prepared to leave early the following morning.  

  

CSW57 Update: Voices Against Violence

Thursday 7th March 2013

(Or: How I spoke in a conference room full of people and then realised my flies were undone)

Today was a really special day for us as delegates, for WAGGGS and for the Stop the Violence campaign – today was the day we officially launched the Voices against Violence curriculum.

Emna speaking at our "Life Course" event

I headed to the UK NGO briefing while the rest of the group stayed at the hotel to do one final run-through of our dance for this afternoon's flash mob! When I got back, we split into two groups. One group stayed to make sure everything was ready for the curriculum launch while the other group went to an event where Emna (from Tunisia) was speaking about violence against girls in her country.

Emna's speech was wonderful – she talked about the different forms of violence that girls in her country face, and about the attitudes that girls have towards violence.  At the end of the speech, she got a standing ovation!  Andrea and I looked at each other and we both had tears pouring down our cheeks!  (You can read Emna's speech here!)  

WAGGGS Voices Against Violence Launch

 After the event, we all ran to the UN Headquarters for the Voices against Violence launch. We had special guest speakers – Mary Mc Phail, WAGGGS' Chief Executive, Kathleen Lynch, Irish Minister of State for Disability, Equality, Mental Health and Older People and Ahmed Alhindawi, UN Secretary-General’s Envoy on Youth. Hasiniaina, one of WAGGGS' Youth Delegates, also spoke about violence against girls and women in Madagascar and how her MO had piloted the curriculum.  The event was so popular we turned away over 100 people!  The room was so full that, again, there were people standing and sitting on the floor.  It was so full that I was very squashed in a corner of the room.  (I do wonder how much of this was strategically planned after my spectacular rage a couple of days previously!)

WAGGGS delegates demonstrating non-formal education

At the launch we also had a special performance by four WAGGGS delegates, showing what non-formal education on gender-based violence looks like.  At the end of the event, Michelle Bachelet came to speak about the curriculum and why non-formal education is so important to empower girls and young women. She also said that the Girl Guides are a force to be reckoned with (AND she was still wearing our wristband)!

Before she spoke, we were asked if anyone would like to talk about our experiences with the VAV syllabus.  Again, I stood up to speak about my wonderful Brownies and how fantastic they are.  As I stepped forward to the microphone, I realised Michelle was sitting at the front of the room.  I'd already committed, so had to follow through, but I started to realise something was wrong. I had COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY!  As I looked around the room, I was aware of hundreds of eyes staring at me.  And Michelle Bachelet.  All waiting for me to say something.  In true Rosy-style, I opened my mouth and hoped that whatever came out of it would resemble something vaguely sensible.  I could hear myself speaking, but I honestly couldn't tell you what I was saying.  Do you know what was going through my head?  "Ohmygod-I'm-talking-in-a-room-at-the-UN-and-Michelle-Bachelet-is-looking-at-me!!"  aaaaaaaand breathe...  As I stepped back from the microphone, I realised something else.  My flies had come undone.  And the whole room could see my pants.  At least they were pretty, I suppose...!

WAGGGS Voices Against Violence Launch

On a complete high from the amazing launch event, we all headed across the road to a hotel where we met a lot of potential funders. My lovely friend Claire from New Zealand spoke about her experiences with introducing the curriculum to her Pippins (five - seven year olds).  On the first day of our training, Claire had told us how she was terrified of public speaking, so it was brilliant to see her speak in front of all of those WAGGGS supporters - I was so so proud of her!

WAGGGS Voices Against Violence Launch Reception

Halfway through the event, as we were all busy eating the lovely cheese and salad the hotel had laid on for us (well, I ate the salad.  Damn lactose intolerance), we heard a voice saying “I am one in ten million... I am one in ten million... I am one in ten million...”  This was our cue – if we were going to embarrass ourselves at all during this trip, this was our time. 

As we all walked towards the front of the room saying “I am one in ten million”, hundreds of eyes turned to watch us and silence descended.  Suddenly, our music started and the dance we had been practicing all week began.  I'd spent the whole week trying to learn the moves from a post-it note, and despite being the shortest (I think), strategically hid myself at the back.  As it turned out, we were (mostly) in time with each other, I didn't fall over or punch myself (or anyone else) in the face, and our guests seemed to really enjoy it, so all-in-all, a success!  [There is a video, but I don't have a copy.  I'll try and find one for you!

After all of our guests had left, we headed across a couple of blocks the second young women's caucus.  There were about 30 young women at this second event, and we looked at the first draft of the Agreed Conclusions and recommended changes that we would like to see. This was a great opportunity to find out what other young women had been doing at CSW, and to speak about different forms of violence in our own countries. 

This was yet another opportunity to find out about "real life" situations that girls and young women face every single day.  I forget sometimes just how lucky I am to be a young woman in the UK, to be able to take contraception, to talk openly about sex (and to have it if I want), to choose who I will marry (or not - whatever we decide), to be able to work, to travel, to wear what I choose to wear...  This evening it really starting to sink in that millions of girls and young women are relying on us to make that difference happen, and what that difference could actually look like.  

I left the caucus that evening, excited and ready for whatever the final day at CSW would bring us.  And definitely not scared any more.  I can do anything.

CSW57 Update: Girl Child

Wednesday 6th March 2013

(Or: how I made the UK say the Girl Guides are fantastic!)

Today didn't exactly turn out as planned. I was hoping to go along to quite a few parallel events to work on lobbying on my subject group's topic (relationship and psychological violence).

However, I started the day by going to the UK NGO briefing, where we heard about how the formal discussions were going. We were told that there were a number of contentious issues which were at risk of being removed from the agreed conclusions completely. Included in this was all mention of girls, education and empowering boys and men, all of which are key elements of WAGGGS' nine calls to action, so this was a potential disaster!  At the end of the briefing, I ran back to the hotel where Andrea and I started to formulate a plan.

Since I had already missed my first event of the day, I decided I needed some down time.  Slouching infront of the TV in our hotel room, I ended up watching CNN's coverage of the Jodi Arias murder trial.  Having not really recovered from yesterday's anger at the EU, and subsequently not really slept, I started to really miss home and the non-biased-ness of BBC news.  The intensity of the previous three days had really started to hit me, so I was glad to have some space to myself for an hour or so.  (I may have also cracked open my secret stash of Cadbury's chocolate - sssshhh, don't tell anyone!)  It was lovely to be able to step out of the UN-bubble for a while, but I was glad to climb back into it before too long!

At lunch time, I went to a side event run by the National Association of Women's Organisations (NAWO),  where four members of NAWO's Youth Delegation (who I met at the UK NGO Reception - they were awesome!) spoke.  Of all the parallel events I attended this week, this was absolutely my favourite.  The speakers were so confident, and it was fantastic to hear such inspiring speeches from young women and men (that makes me sound really old.  I'm not old.  I just wouldn't have had the confidence I had when I was their age.  These guys were 17, and they were incredible!)

During the afternoon, I had planned to attend a joint UK and Netherlands side event about changing young people's attitudes towards violence, so I ran to the UN Headquarters to make sure I picked up a ticket on time.  When I got there, 45 minutes before the event, to find out all the tickets had already gone, I had no idea what to do.  I needed to get in to that event to find out how the UK and Netherlands were going to make sure the girl child was discussed and included in the Agreed Conclusions.  

Just before the stress properly kicked in, my saviour came along in the form of Annette Lawson, chair of NAWO, who had two spare tickets.  I just about managed to restrain from giving her a giant bear-hug before sprinting to the conference room.  For someone with a lifelong fear of exercise, I have done a lot of running this week...  Anyway, the event was so popular, I nearly got squashed on my way into the room, but I was going to get a seat at the table if I had to fight may way to it!

We heard about a number of different initiatives used in the UK and the Netherlands to engage young people and make them aware of what violence is, and it was really interesting to look at the different approaches used in the two countries. Lynne Featherstone, a UK Minister in DfID, spoke about the UK's “this is abuse” campaign.  She played the videos (also this one) and I tried very hard to hide my frustrations.  I mean, I get what they're trying to do, and yes, the videos are really hard to watch.  I get that.  There's just something that really bothers me.  Can anyone tell me what it is, 'cause I really can't work it out! 

When the time for questions came, I had my hand up first (surprised?) and asked what the UK and the Netherlands positions on the inclusion of the girl child in the agreed conclusions was.  The response from both ministers was really positive - they both absolutely supported it, which was a huge confidence boost. We also asked how governments would support NGOs in delivering non-formal education programmes (or something along those lines) and, completely un-prompted, Lynne Featherstone said that she thinks the Girl Guides are a fantastic organisation and that we do great things! WIN!

After this event, I rushed back to the hotel to debrief Andrea on the day and what I had heard about the discussions so that she could pass this on to Mary McPhail (WAGGGS' Chief Executive) and the rest of the WAGGGS' team.  Today was the first day I properly realised the importance of what we're doing here.  It's all very well attending lots of parallel events, talking to lots of people, even asking lots of questions.  But if the people who are actually in the discussions and negotiations aren't there, they're never going to know what you want.  Today really showed me that, although Governments might not always be talking about the things you need them to be talking about, they'll never know that's what you need unless you tell them and then hold them to account for it.  

After yesterday's anger, today I really felt like I could do anything.  Today my life changed.  Again.   
 

Ps.  Sorry for the lack of photos - it was one of those days.  Tomorrow there will be something special.  It has something to do with this. 

Keep reading! Rx